In my head this is me:

Yep.  In my brain I am a brunette from the 70’s and look AMAZEBALLS in red boots, pantyhose and a strapless USA themed bathing suit.The tiara is also great for evenings on the town…

Actually what I mean is…..I got this.  I got it.  I figured it out.  I can do it all on my own.  Even if I don’t know what I’m doing or how to do something….I don’t need help.  Ever.  With anything.  Ever.  Nope.  Got it. 

Very often I forget and must admit to myself (however hard it may be) that I am a human being.  Yes, I said it.  I am just a human being.  I am fallible.  I make mistakes.  I don’t know everything.  I cannot do everything.  I have feelings (which can get really messy sometimes).  I am not perfect nor do I do many things perfectly.

I admit: what I just said above made me throw up in my mouth a little.

It makes me laugh when I think about the number of times I have wanted to apologize to people for what I feel are enormous deficiencies, when in reality it’s just me being human.  What also amazes me is (once I get over myself) how easy it is to ask for help.  And how, 9 times out of 10, I get exactly what I need; whether it’s a piece of advice, a hug, a smile, directions, etc……and more importantly what I ALWAYS get when I ask for help is the reminder not to take myself so fucking seriously.  The reminder that I am not alone.  That I am not Wonder Woman (no matter how hard I try). That we are all in this together.  That I am not a martyr, nor do I want to be one.  That saying “I don’t know” is ok.  That I am on a journey.  That I am learning.  That I am enough.  That I am a human being and that that is a beautiful thing.

Laugh loud.  Love louder.  Live loudest.

In general, most people, hate or are afraid of change.  We are (well, I can only speak for myself) I am not good at navigating change, good or bad, expected or unexpected.  And yet, change is one of the only constants in this world.

All of these great, amazing, wonderful changes have happened to me in the last month or so and what is so funny to me is how uncomfortable it all is.  Change, in and of itself, is never a bad thing….totally depends on your perspective (another thing of mine that is often skewed….).  It presents an opportunity for growth, or to see how far you have grown.  It makes life interesting. And often presents those wonderful “shake-your-head-and-laugh-at-yourself” moments. 

In the last 2 months I have gone from this:

to this:

Ok, I admit…I’ve never had a French Manicure (well, maybe once for a high school prom, but THAT’S THE ONLY TIME!!) and I still smoke…but not as much as I used to!

I also went from this:

to this:

No, I didn’t live in a tepee (though I have been in one a couple times)

Other things have changed for me as well…and all have affected my life in a positive way.  I laugh all the time at how ungrounded I feel right now because “my life isn’t the way it used to be!” Well, SAINTS BE PRAISED!! I’m not sure I want to know where I’d be were my life not continually changing and were I not taking actions on an almost daily basis to change it.  Fear is a part of change.  But fear is a feeling….it passes (usually the second you walk through it!)

I guess what I’m trying to say is that change is inevitable…I know I’m not the first person to say that….and the only thing I can do is embrace it like it was a big,  cuddly, soft Koala bear….I’ve always wanted to hug one of those, though I hear they can be pretty nasty….ANYWAY, I try all the time to go gently into change that I know is happening, and use as much grace and dignity to get through change that comes at me like a BMW on the Autobahn. This is life.  And it is beautiful.  And LOADED with change!

Laugh loud.  Love louder.  Live loudest.

I have never been a runner.  Even as a child I couldn’t stand running long distances….I never had endurance.  I played a lot of sports, but nothing that required running for more than 5 minutes without a break.  I was (and still am) very athletic…..just don’t ask me to run. The fact that I have been a smoker for about 20 years (holy shit!) hasn’t helped matters any…..

That’s why I have volunteered to run a 5K in about 7 weeks…..yes, I have gone insane…..

When someone says “5K”, I hear: “MARATHON, TRIATHALON, IRON MAN”.

When I read “5K”, I see is this:

and this:

and this:

It is amazing (and sometimes appalling) what my brain can come up with! Here is an example of some of the things that have been going through my head since I agreed to run this 5K for charity:

-I don’t have running shoes….how the hell am I going to get those?

-What if there are hills?

-I have to run in PUBLIC?!?

-What if I die?

-What if I trip and fall?…..and then die?

The list goes on and on….ridiculous, no?

The truth is I am afraid to run this thing….for any number of reasons…..did someone mention bulls??!??!?

Time to walk through a bit of fear! With teeth clenched and sweat on my palms I went out and bought shoes. Turns out….not that hard. AND no one at the store laughed at the prospect of me running! (rather encouraging) I also procured the proper bra to keep “the girls” in place and spandex running pants to keep everything else in place….if for nothing else, I am determined to LOOK GOOD whilst running to my demise….

What truly amazes me is how totally out of proportion I have blown this thing:

-3.1 miles DOES NOT EQUAL 26.2 miles

-There won’t be any bulls….or fire pits….

-I’m not running up Mt. Everest

-No one gives a shit what I look like….except me!

-I won’t die (but just in case, I am an organ donor!)

-This is supposed to be fun (I’m still working on figuring that one out….)

Regardless, I am running.  And for a good cause: Women’s Cancer Research. And also to entertain the hundreds of spectators by running in public…should be good for a laugh or two.

Now all I have to do is quit smoking (or start smoking A LOT less), put all my gear on and hit the pavement…hopefully not with my face……stay tuned!!

Laugh loud.  Love louder.  Live loudest.

Angry people make me laugh. Really. They do. We all get in our snits and get angry sometimes…we’re human! I’m talking about the people who are pissed off ALL THE TIME, who are angry at everything and everybody and typically play the “I got screwed so I’m going to be angry whether or not it has anything to do with you. It’s the world vs. me!” card. And it makes me laugh because the reality is: that is SO not true!….unless you’re that  Ahmadinejad guy from Iran…then definitely, yes, it is the world vs. you, which can’t be a good feeling. He is one angry dude! And about what?? You aren’t going to get your way all the time just because you happen to be in charge of a country. Duh! I say, lighten up angry man from Iran…things will get better- they always do! And god bless you….(damn, I am such an infidel).

Here’s the thing, o people of deep rooted hostility: it is almost guaranteed that whoever it is that you are taking your wrath out on did not wake up that morning and make an actual decision to piss you off. If someone does have a true vendetta against you, they will probably make themselves known in a more obvious way than by just walking too slowly in front of you, or laughing too loudly in a Starbucks, or not holding the door open for you, or (god forbid) not saying “thank you” if you hold the door open for them….the nerve of some people!

Quite frankly, and I can only speak for myself, I find being angry is exhausting! Moreover….yep, I just said “moreover”…..being angry is exhausting for everyone! Not just you, the angry one, but for all of the people around you. It is SO much easier (and faster) to smile and take a deep breath than it is to plan someones demise….I mean, the logistics alone could take weeks of brainstorming and strategizing.  I don’t know about you, but I have better things to brainstorm and plot than the slaughter of all of the people who don’t turn their cell phones of in the theater…..ANY THEATER…..assholes…..oops…a little anger there….

In summation, my darling people whose lives are ruled by ire, take a deep breath… Remember that (unfortunately) there is always going to be someone in this world who has it worse than you.  And don’t forget to laugh at something or someone (preferably your own self, but if you want to laugh at me, I don’t mind…) It is so much easier to be happy and grateful than it is to be pissed off….trust me. If you have a scowl on your face and you see me giggling, you know why…it’s not because I am out to get you…it’s because I get angry at stupid shit too!

Laugh loud.  Love louder.  Live loudest.

By now, most of us have gotten used to Christmas decorations and various holiday items going up for sale in stores around November 1, if not sooner. It is disgusting, and does sometimes cause me to throw up in my mouth a little. But I will say that nothing causes more “hold it in” nausea than walking into a store during the first weeks of January and seeing Valentine’s Day shit EVERYWHERE!! 

The two experiences are very different: With the holidays, there is a bit of excitement involved. People generally (unless you work in ANY form of retail) look forward to Christmas and New Years.  The tree, the carols, the shopping, the food (INSANE amounts of it), the family (well…..sometimes), that overall warm and fuzzy holiday feeling….it’s all delightful and something to get excited about.  Valentine’s Day, on the other hand, is a Hallmark made day of pure hell.  Whether you are single, in a relationship, married, completely asexual….it doesn’t matter.  There are negative feelings for everyone involved. 

Single= depression: “I am alone.” “Nobody loves me.” “I will die alone surrounded only by my cats, who are only surrounding me because they want to be fed and can’t figure out how to use the can opener themselves.” “I hate men.” “I hate women.” “I hate (insert name of ex here).” “Love sucks”

Relationship= stress/pressure: “Are we exchanging gifts or just cards?” “What is her last name?” “Do I sign the card “Love,” or “All the best,”?” “Do I have to buy something for ALL of the people I am dating/sleeping with?”

Married= anger: “I can’t get a frickin’ dinner reservation ANYWHERE?” “Why do I have to go through this crap EVERY DAMN YEAR?” “I say “I love you” every day.  Why, then, is it such a BFD, if on this ONE DAY I don’t say it in some stupidly egregious way?”

Completely asexual= frustration/confusion: “Why is everybody so angry, depressed, and stressed out?” “Quit bothering me with your co-dependent bullshit!”

Valentine’s Day is a lose-lose for all parties.  I vote we change it to Masturbation Day.  A day where everyone takes care of and loves themselves. And, it’s free….unless you have to buy batteries.

Laugh loud.  Love louder.  Live loudest.

After much deep thought and meditation…well, deep thought and Ben & Jerry’s…I have come to the conclusion that 2012 is going to be a huge year for me. HUGE! Things are going to happen this year…. unless some disaster or disease snuffs me out. Which would suck because (if I haven’t mentioned it yet) 2012 is going to be a big year for me!  

I sit here twiddling my thumbs (you can’t see it, but I am. I am typing with my toes right now….thank you, New Year’s resolution 2011) and realize my panties are in a bunch! Not because of how I am sitting (I have very good posture….thank you, 2006) but because we are almost 3 weeks in and NOTHING has happened yet! When? Dear god, when will “things” happen? I have made phone calls, set appointments and meetings, gotten my hair cut (just a trim, but life changing nonetheless), consulted my spiritual advisors (got those in 2009), rearranged my closet, re-alphabetized my books by author (did it by title in 2005)….I have taken all of these actions and still nothing…….yet.

It occurs to me that I really have no frickin’ clue what it isthasspnsvfh38#&fsffsncj#&”&/’+ …..(sorry, foot cramp)….no frickin’ clue what it is that is supposed to happen!! I EXPECT big things.  BIG! HUGE! Bigger than the zen garden I made (2008)!!!

Here’s the annoying, but truly laughable part: my expectations are 99.9% completely unrealistic and insanely ridiculous… 

So, instead of giving up swear words for 2012 (fuck that!) I’m giving up expectations.  No more.  Going to do the best I can to stay present and expect nothing….I will continue to put one foot in front of the other and while away my hours practicing my dulcimer (2007) and see what life brings me….

Laugh loud. Love louder. Live loudest.

This blog is about finding the funny in the little things. The simple things. For example, a very dear friend once told me that farts and falling are always funny. I can’t remember her name (I guess she wasn’t that dear) but her point is still valid….unless you break something when you fall, then the funny comes much later in the “20/20 hindsight” part. And if you break something when you fart well….then….you’ve got more serious issues and I would also like very much to meet you. But I digress….

There is funny in everything. The trick, the key, the catch, the THING is: you have to be able to laugh at YOURSELF first. If you are able to do that, then you have earned the right to laugh at every other fallible, flawed, and hilarious human being on earth.

There is some serious shit going down in the world….well, in MY world at least….don’t know about yours….but I would like to think I’m not all alone out here…I am going to help you find the funny.  There wouldn’t be serious stuff if there weren’t funny stuff.  We wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between the two if they didn’t coexist.

So if you fart today…laugh. If you don’t fart today, I am sorry and hope things clear up for you soon. If you fall or trip today….laugh. If you break something (hope you don’t) I promise you will laugh later about it…..or at least giggle a little after you are done cussing out the world.

Laugh loud. Love louder. Live loudest.